A few weeks ago, over some delicious pumpkin and cream cheese swirl french toast, a friend and I were talking about a guy that she started seeing. They haven't been dating that long, but the signs that he was giving her, made her bring up the question to him. "Are we in a relationship?" His answer was no, that it was 'too early'. Understood, although he was already leaving his toothbrush and clothes at her apartment. To her, those are clues that your in a relationship, to him, it's not.
So that got me thinking; how do we know when we are in a relationship with someone? When do you start referring to each other as boyfriend/girlfriend? When do you know that you are exclusive, understanding that you will not be seeing other people, and assuming the other person is doing the same?
Even for the women that claim they 'think like a guy', and 'don't care or want to have the label'; don't you still have to know what the boundaries are from 'just dating' to 'in a relationship'? Making sure you don't cross the line, giving the other person the wrong impression?
It seems so complicated now. I remember when my first real boyfriend asked, "Will you go out with me?" That question right there meant you two were a couple. Boyfriend/Girlfriend. So what it may sound so 'high school', but at least it was straight forward.
So how do you know your in a relationship?
Do you just assume, because you ' have that feeling'? You risk the chance the other person doesn't feel the same way, and he is still seeing other people.
Is it when you meet his parents? I mean, that could potentially take a long time, which leaves your relationship status questionable for awhile.
Is it when he starts leaving his clothes at your place? Or when he gets you a toothbrush for his place?
Holy over analyzing your entire relatio..errr...whatever it is!
When it comes down to it, it's better just to 'have the talk.' But you have to be prepared to hear an answer you don't want to, but at least you will know, and finally have an understanding of what the other person may classify as a relationship. If you feel you aren't on the same page as that person, and that is not something you can handle, then you may need to move on.
Or, you can appreciate the little things. That although leaving his toothbrush at your place doesn't mean your in a relationship to him, it's something that makes you smile. And although 'it's too soon' for him, this moment is just right, and you have to learn how to love the value of that. Not the value of a so called relationship status.
This being said, the instant that your friends start asking, "Well, if you guys are just seeing one another, then why aren't you in a relationship? Or why isn't it on Facebook?"
Now, we're back to square one. Social media has ruined every chance that we have just to be satisfied with our relationship as it is. It always has to be official. "If it's not Facebook official, it's not real." So now that you convinced yourself that you were okay with not having the 'relationship label' at the moment, you have to convince your friends too, which is very unlikely.
...and for the rest of the day you'll be thinking about what your friends said and over analyzing what you've got going on with this other person.
My best suggestion, as I've forced myself to learn, be happy with what you have. As long as he is treating you right and you both agree to see or not see other people, then you've got it made.
Save that over analyzing and begging for a label when you're yearning for the ring ; )
Showing posts with label woman's perspective. Show all posts
Showing posts with label woman's perspective. Show all posts
Wednesday, March 20, 2013
Wednesday, March 13, 2013
Woman's Perspective: St. Patrick's Day
For women, St. Patrick's Day has become the new Halloween. The one night (now the second) a year when girls can dress like a total slut and no other girls can say anything about it. Thank you, Mean Girls.
St. Patty's Day has become a day where we dress up like Slutty Irish Fairies; tutus, knee socks, tiaras, and all.
St. Patrick's Day is where women indulge in their inner child and wear stickers on their cheeks and glitter on their eyes.
St. Patrick's Day is when it becomes socially acceptable to wear green nail polish and not be accused of having a fungal infection.
St. Patrick's Day is when women where shirts with some tacky, yet humorous, phrase on their shirts that makes them sound like their trying to sell themselves. Oops.
St. Patrick's Day is when women completely blow their 'Spring Break' workouts and diets to chug down green beer and Irish Car Bombs. The day after St. Patrick's Day is when we bitch about how much weight we gained because of that beer, unless we threw enough of it up.
St. Patrick's Day in Chicago is when women actually get excited about nature; seeing the river dyed green, giving the go-ahead to start drinking all day.
St. Patrick's Day is when women follow the instructions on the pin "Kiss Me, I'm Irish"...well only if he's hot. After a few shots of whiskey, women follow the instructions on everyone, even if they aren't wearing the pin.
St. Patrick's Day is where all women want to be with an Irishman. The next morning, their complaining he drinks to much and ..."Oh. My. God. He's a ginger."
St. Patrick's Day is where women indulge in their inner child and wear stickers on their cheeks and glitter on their eyes.
St. Patrick's Day is when it becomes socially acceptable to wear green nail polish and not be accused of having a fungal infection.
St. Patrick's Day is when women where shirts with some tacky, yet humorous, phrase on their shirts that makes them sound like their trying to sell themselves. Oops.
St. Patrick's Day is when women completely blow their 'Spring Break' workouts and diets to chug down green beer and Irish Car Bombs. The day after St. Patrick's Day is when we bitch about how much weight we gained because of that beer, unless we threw enough of it up.
St. Patrick's Day in Chicago is when women actually get excited about nature; seeing the river dyed green, giving the go-ahead to start drinking all day.
St. Patrick's Day is when women follow the instructions on the pin "Kiss Me, I'm Irish"...well only if he's hot. After a few shots of whiskey, women follow the instructions on everyone, even if they aren't wearing the pin.
St. Patrick's Day is where all women want to be with an Irishman. The next morning, their complaining he drinks to much and ..."Oh. My. God. He's a ginger."
Wednesday, March 6, 2013
Woman's Perspective : Twilight
This post is in honor of the final DVD of the Twilight Saga being released this past Saturday! :)
Let me make this LOUD AND CLEAR before we start:
I'm not here to tell you why the Twilight Saga books and movies are the best out there (because they are not.) I'm not here to tell you you're stupid if you don't like Twilight. I'm not here to tell you why Rob Pattinson is sexy and TEAM EDWARD is the only way to be (haha, glad I got that out.) I also understand that this post is not every woman's perspective.
I'm here to try to explain why woman have such an infatuation with Twilight. I'd like you to also know, that when discussing this, I'm mostly relating it to the books (as we all know, even Twi-hards, the movies, although have progressively gotten better, and not award-worthy)
Alternate Reality
Our obsession with Twilight is just like any other obsession with a book. When reading a book a woman escapes into another world. We get attached to the characters and we call them our friends. We pick a character who we relate to the most, and that becomes the eyes we look through as were walking through this alternate reality. You've had a bad day? You pick up the book and you escape.
Romance
For most women, there is a yearning to find that love that we just can't live without. Twilight satisfies that fantasy. You take out all the supernatural make-believe creatures, and you have a first-love, young-adult romance novel. We lived through Bella during her awkward moments, to feeling butterflies when she first starts hanging around Edward. The time they first kissed? Ya, you felt that tingling too. When Edward left? You cried, you felt her pain, because as a girl, you've probably felt that pain before too, even if it lasted only a day. You went through her awkward friend phase with Jacob, and in real life you have 'your Jacob'. Edward comes back, they realize they can't live with out each other. They get married, they start a family, they live happily ever after. I don't care what anyone says, there is a small part in all women that craves that.
Drama
Of course, if the story was that easy we wouldn't want it. There has to be drama. I mean, come on, we're women. That's where the whole mythical creature things take the love story to a whole new level. It creates unbelievable twists and turns, but it keeps us reading.
The Idea of the 'Perfect Man'
Books are great because they let us create our own visuals. So of course it helps when all the male characters are extremely good-looking..and perfect. In the books, these characters are perfect because we don't ever have to see any of their flaws. Maybe Jacob has really bad morning breathe..but we don't have to wake up to that. I can't explain to you why some people have the hots for vampires (me!) and other werewolves. The idea of a rock-hard man who has everlasting energy, whose every characteristic was built to draw you in, and deep down inside he desperately just wants to bite you neck...there is just something HOT about that. It's the relationship that isn't supposed to be work, the forbidden, you always want what you can't have. That is the thing that drags woman into these leading characters. Of course, when they made the movies it became even more realistic for us, because they pretty accurately casted actors who fit our visions in our heads. They are perfect right? But we also don't have to deal with Rob Pattinson who didn't wash his hair for like...two weeks. It's just the idea of the perfect, we can't have it except in books, man
.
I read, and re-read, and re-watch the Twilight Saga because its satisfies that fantasy of mine that I can't quite put a finger on (yet I tried to describe it above.) It brings back that feeling of firsts; the first kiss, the first time with someone (ugh, If only we all had Edward breaking our head board...). It gives us our yearning for 'can't live without you love'. It gives adventure and drama, but without the boyish guns and knives. Just vampires and werewolves. I read Twilight because I'm in the mood for love and lust. I read other books if I'm looking for something else. Simple as that.
It's the same with all books. They are meant for escaping the real world. Twilight just happens to have love, drama, and hot men. What more could a woman want?
Let me make this LOUD AND CLEAR before we start:
I'm not here to tell you why the Twilight Saga books and movies are the best out there (because they are not.) I'm not here to tell you you're stupid if you don't like Twilight. I'm not here to tell you why Rob Pattinson is sexy and TEAM EDWARD is the only way to be (haha, glad I got that out.) I also understand that this post is not every woman's perspective.
I'm here to try to explain why woman have such an infatuation with Twilight. I'd like you to also know, that when discussing this, I'm mostly relating it to the books (as we all know, even Twi-hards, the movies, although have progressively gotten better, and not award-worthy)
Alternate Reality
Our obsession with Twilight is just like any other obsession with a book. When reading a book a woman escapes into another world. We get attached to the characters and we call them our friends. We pick a character who we relate to the most, and that becomes the eyes we look through as were walking through this alternate reality. You've had a bad day? You pick up the book and you escape.
Romance
For most women, there is a yearning to find that love that we just can't live without. Twilight satisfies that fantasy. You take out all the supernatural make-believe creatures, and you have a first-love, young-adult romance novel. We lived through Bella during her awkward moments, to feeling butterflies when she first starts hanging around Edward. The time they first kissed? Ya, you felt that tingling too. When Edward left? You cried, you felt her pain, because as a girl, you've probably felt that pain before too, even if it lasted only a day. You went through her awkward friend phase with Jacob, and in real life you have 'your Jacob'. Edward comes back, they realize they can't live with out each other. They get married, they start a family, they live happily ever after. I don't care what anyone says, there is a small part in all women that craves that.
Drama
Of course, if the story was that easy we wouldn't want it. There has to be drama. I mean, come on, we're women. That's where the whole mythical creature things take the love story to a whole new level. It creates unbelievable twists and turns, but it keeps us reading.
The Idea of the 'Perfect Man'
Books are great because they let us create our own visuals. So of course it helps when all the male characters are extremely good-looking..and perfect. In the books, these characters are perfect because we don't ever have to see any of their flaws. Maybe Jacob has really bad morning breathe..but we don't have to wake up to that. I can't explain to you why some people have the hots for vampires (me!) and other werewolves. The idea of a rock-hard man who has everlasting energy, whose every characteristic was built to draw you in, and deep down inside he desperately just wants to bite you neck...there is just something HOT about that. It's the relationship that isn't supposed to be work, the forbidden, you always want what you can't have. That is the thing that drags woman into these leading characters. Of course, when they made the movies it became even more realistic for us, because they pretty accurately casted actors who fit our visions in our heads. They are perfect right? But we also don't have to deal with Rob Pattinson who didn't wash his hair for like...two weeks. It's just the idea of the perfect, we can't have it except in books, man
.
It's the same with all books. They are meant for escaping the real world. Twilight just happens to have love, drama, and hot men. What more could a woman want?
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