A few weeks ago, over some delicious pumpkin and cream cheese swirl french toast, a friend and I were talking about a guy that she started seeing. They haven't been dating that long, but the signs that he was giving her, made her bring up the question to him. "Are we in a relationship?" His answer was no, that it was 'too early'. Understood, although he was already leaving his toothbrush and clothes at her apartment. To her, those are clues that your in a relationship, to him, it's not.
So that got me thinking; how do we know when we are in a relationship with someone? When do you start referring to each other as boyfriend/girlfriend? When do you know that you are exclusive, understanding that you will not be seeing other people, and assuming the other person is doing the same?
Even for the women that claim they 'think like a guy', and 'don't care or want to have the label'; don't you still have to know what the boundaries are from 'just dating' to 'in a relationship'? Making sure you don't cross the line, giving the other person the wrong impression?
It seems so complicated now. I remember when my first real boyfriend asked, "Will you go out with me?" That question right there meant you two were a couple. Boyfriend/Girlfriend. So what it may sound so 'high school', but at least it was straight forward.
So how do you know your in a relationship?
Do you just assume, because you ' have that feeling'? You risk the chance the other person doesn't feel the same way, and he is still seeing other people.
Is it when you meet his parents? I mean, that could potentially take a long time, which leaves your relationship status questionable for awhile.
Is it when he starts leaving his clothes at your place? Or when he gets you a toothbrush for his place?
Holy over analyzing your entire relatio..errr...whatever it is!
When it comes down to it, it's better just to 'have the talk.' But you have to be prepared to hear an answer you don't want to, but at least you will know, and finally have an understanding of what the other person may classify as a relationship. If you feel you aren't on the same page as that person, and that is not something you can handle, then you may need to move on.
Or, you can appreciate the little things. That although leaving his toothbrush at your place doesn't mean your in a relationship to him, it's something that makes you smile. And although 'it's too soon' for him, this moment is just right, and you have to learn how to love the value of that. Not the value of a so called relationship status.
This being said, the instant that your friends start asking, "Well, if you guys are just seeing one another, then why aren't you in a relationship? Or why isn't it on Facebook?"
Now, we're back to square one. Social media has ruined every chance that we have just to be satisfied with our relationship as it is. It always has to be official. "If it's not Facebook official, it's not real." So now that you convinced yourself that you were okay with not having the 'relationship label' at the moment, you have to convince your friends too, which is very unlikely.
...and for the rest of the day you'll be thinking about what your friends said and over analyzing what you've got going on with this other person.
My best suggestion, as I've forced myself to learn, be happy with what you have. As long as he is treating you right and you both agree to see or not see other people, then you've got it made.
Save that over analyzing and begging for a label when you're yearning for the ring ; )
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